A Guide To Surviving Thanksgiving Eve

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Thanksgiving Eve. A Drinking Tradition Unlike Any Other.

The holiday to kick off the holiday is Thanksgiving Eve. One of the biggest drinking holidays out there. Everyone from your high school flocks back to your hometown and hits up the local bars. The night to drink as much as you want because you have the perfect hangover meal awaiting you tomorrow, Thanksgiving dinner.

That being said, TGE always has its problems and usual set of characters. TGE is all about high school friends and ex-girlfriends. Sounds simple right? Wrong. Get ready for some conversations you don’t want to have and awkward moments. Don’t worry. Your boy has you covered for how to deal with this eccentric cast of characters.

Your Former Friend In High School Who You Don’t Talk To Anymore

Everyone has that friend that you’ve lost touch with over the years. You were boys in high school, thought you’d be friends forever, and went your separate ways after high school. It always happens. This can be awkward if you don’t know how to handle it properly. You obviously dap up and make some small talk. This is your former friend, not an enemy. Stick to small talk and DO NOT bring up “I can’t believe we lost touch.” That just makes it worse. Don’t even reminisce. After small talk, just say “It’s good to see you man. I’ll see you at the bar.” Simple and move on.

Your Ex

High school exes. They are inevitable. Death, taxes, and former boyfriends / girlfriends. If you think you won’t run into them, you’re actually insane. You will see that person you dated in high school. DO NOT PANIC. I don’t know how your breakup ended and I honestly don’t care. It happened, but that doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole. When you see your ex, give them a hug and say “it’s good to see you.” Basic small talk. Don’t brag about yourself. Be general and not too specific because you don’t want to be dragged into a 30 minute convo when you’re just trying to get your drink on. Make sure to leave off with “Wish your family a Happy Thanksgiving.” It’ll show you’re not a douche and it’s the right thing to say. Then move on.

The One That Got Away

This one hurts. Everyone has had that crush that they loved in high school, but never made a move back in the day. I’ve got plenty of them, trust me. If you run into your crush, don’t freak out. This is the person that you should talk to and actually pretend like you give a shit. I’m not saying you should make a move, but try to have a good conversation. Maybe you are not made for each other. That’s probably the case but screw it. Take a shot, sack up, and talk to the person. Maybe buy them a drink to ease into a conversation. The worst that can happen is you just walk away and go on with your lives. Who knows, maybe you guys will stay in touch? I say go for it.

The Guy Who Brings Up How Awesome Their Job Is Or How Much They Love Their Life

Screw this person! I absolutely hate this person. I don’t care about your work. I don’t care about you sick apartment where you throw awesome pre-games and have so many parties. Most people hate working and their jobs. Don’t make it awkward for that person. I understand “so what are you doing” is such a convo starter, but don’t go in-depth. Short, sweet, and too the point. If you brag about your job, there’s a 100% chance I walk away from the conversation.

The “We Should Totally Hang Out And Catch Up” Guy

THE WORST. There’s a reason we don’t talk as much. We both have moved on. Why are you trying to save what’s already gone? It’s like if Jack asked Rose to marry him in Titanic. They both know that ain’t happening on a sinking ship so why bother?  If I wanted to hang out, I would ask you. Don’t put me in an awkward situation were we have to exchange numbers and then never hit each other up. You’re just wasting my data on my phone. I’m not saying blow this person off, but if someone asks you this, try and deflect the question with “You got it man. I’m gonna go get a drink, but I’ll see you around.” Nothing is wrong with this because you’re not lying. You’re going to get a drink. Make sure you go buy that drink so you don’t have a stalker watching you run away to a corner and lying to your face. Good luck with this person cause I still haven’t conquered this.

The “Remember When We Did This” Guy

“Hey, remember when we got drunk at Johnny’s party back in the day?” “Hey dude, remember 5th period when we used to skip class and hang in the cafeteria?” “Remember when we totally ruined the life of that teacher?” We get it. You want to relive the past. It’s an easy conversation starter, but it’s kind of a cop out. It’s cool to reminisce with your friends, but not with the rando from 5th period. Sure, you might get a laugh, but it’s totally fake and not sincere. If someone brings up a memory, do not go into detail. Do not feed into the person’s memory. Say “Yeah man. That was cool.” Stay brief. DO NOT egg him on or you are a goner.

High School Harry Aka The Kid You Played Sports Who Won’t Let A Play or Game Go And Always Has To Bring It Up

“Bro, we should’ve won the title that year!” Since I played sports (humble brag), this is always a popular topic. You hear it all the time. Unless you are my really good friend, I try to not bring up high school sports with the random kid on my team that I don’t talk to anymore. That being said, there’s always that one kid who is still living in the past. “I swear, if we played one more quarter, we would’ve won.” Dude, give it up! You lost. They don’t play 5 quarters in football for a reason. You didn’t win then, and you probably won’t win now. High school sports were so awesome, but there’s a reason they were in high school. That’s when it mattered and that’s how you should treasure the memory. Don’t play “could of, would of, should of.” You had fun on that team so just keep the thought of the friendships you made as the focal point. Not a specific play.

So how do you survive TGE if you run into these people? Here are my tips:

  • Drink, but don’t be the drunkest girl at the party. If you get too blitzed, you’ll probably start a bunch of conversations you don’t want to have and will become one of the people above.
  • Go with a group of friends. These are your lifelines. If things get out of hand, fall back on your friends in order to avoid awkward silences and uncomfortable moments.
  • DO NOT BRAG ABOUT YOUR JOB! Everyone hates work. Be miserable together.
  • Advil and water before bed. You’ll thank me later.

Enjoy your night!

 

 

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