Let the countdown begin.
This is a passion project for me just because I’m Mr. Nostalgia. I’m a big “Things Were Better When I was a Kid” guy. The fact is it was when it comes to the Disney Channel. These movies BUMPED. I used to stay home all the time on the weekends to watch them. I whittled the list down to 76 movies that span from 1996-2008, which you can see below.
NOTE: The numbers are not the rankings in that tweet. Microsoft word does this nice little thing where it formats to chronological order. You should check it out!
Remember that this is a long list. There are A LOT of movies. So if you see this list and say “where are the good ones,” be patient. You have to sift through the bad to get to the good.
Here we go.
76. The Jennie Project (2001)
So in my list, I figured there would have to be one or two movies that I forgot. The Jennie Project is one of them. I definitely saw this when I was a kid, but I do not remember it at ALL. It honestly may be a good movie, but I’ll never know. So I figured the fair and noble thing to do was to put it last and just say I don’t remember. I honestly could not have started this countdown better. Nice job, DG.
75. You Lucky Dog (1998)
Kirk Cameron, what happened man? You were Mike Seaver, who was arguably one of the coolest teenagers in the history of television. You were the star of Growing Pains with the legend Alan Thicke, which might be in the Top 5 for greatest TV theme songs ever. SHOW ME THAT SMILE, AGAIN.
Just a big fall from the spotlight. You Lucky Dog was definitely a step back for Mike Seaver. This was just a strange, strange movie. Kirk was a “dog psychiatrist” who can read his own dog’s mind (?) but then his mind begins to transform to his dogs. I’m confused just talking about it.Hard pass.
74. Cow Belles (2006)
Aly and AJ. The Michalka sisters. I feel like Disney did not capitalize on these two sisters as much as they should have. They 100% could’ve taken off to mainstream ranks like stars before and after them such as Hilary Duff or Miley Cyrus. I’m not saying they would’ve been as big, but there was potential. Cow Belles was not a good movie. There’s no doubt in my mind this movie was modeled after The Simple Life show with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. 2 spoiled and rich girls who “try to learn the value of hard work.” The Michalka’s had potential. They were queens of preteen angst songs. Girl power.
73. Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior
I won’t lie. This one hurts. I was a big Suite Life of Zack and Cody guy and London Tipton played a huge part in that. She had the perfect ditzy one liners that made 11 year old me crack up. That being said, Wendy Wu was not funny whatsoever. I’m supposed to get behind and root for the popular kid running for prom queen who becomes a ninja? That’s like when wealthy people win the lottery. It shouldn’t happen. You can’t have it all in life, kids.
72. Buffalo Dreams (2005)
There have been Disney Channel movies about extreme sports. There have been Disney Channel movies about buffalo. Put them together and it won’t work. Oh no, the buffalo are loose! Quick, get your elbow pads and helmets on and let’s get all the kids on bikes to help herd them in. Hurry, one of the guys has fallen. Quick, sing Lean On Me. That will calm down the buffalo from stampeding!!!!! I clearly loved this movie…
71. Hounded (2001)
We have now reached the Shia LeBeouf version of the countdown. I actually like all of the actors in this movie. Tahj Mowry for Smart Guy, Craig Kirkwood for Rev in Remember The Titans, and Shia LeBouf for Even Stevens. Maybe I’m not a dog in movies guy. Maybe this is a “me” problem. I know why. It’s because Shia LeBouf played the most awkward bully in the history of movies. Talk about a ladies man…
70. Tru Confessions (2002)
Classic case of good message, bad execution. Tru Confessions tells the story of Tru Walker and how she comes to cope and finally understand her twin brother Eddie, who has autism (although never stated). Totally good message. However, no fault to Shia, but it’s hard to go from laughing at Even Stevens to watching him in a serious role as a 9 year old. Probably just miscasted.
69. Twitches Too (2007)
Go Twitches. It’s your birthday. Go Twitches. Tia and TaMAra. DCOM’s recycling themes of witches and spells. There’s only one movie universe where that works and that’s Halloween Town. But hey, I still know that Go Twitches song so I guess that’s a win for the sisters.
68. Read It and Weep (2006)
Another movie with sisters. The Panabakers!!!! If we’re talking power rankings, it’s 1) Danielle 2) Kay. I’m pulling out references left and right, but this movie is if Harriet the Spy as a teenage. Woe is me. I wrote a book no one should’ve read and it won a contest. I don’t want to be famous anymore. I just want things to go back to normal. WAH. You had the lottery ticket to the top and you blew it. Also shoutout to Mindy from Drake and Josh, who played the bad girl in this movie. Miss you.
67. Can of Worms (1999)
I honestly don’t know how to describe this movie. It is out there and I mean out there. I actually looked up some rankings and critics had this in their Top 30. Definitely not going to go that far. It looks like an acid trip gone wrong. Need proof? Watch this clip.
66. Return to Halloweentown
This movie is on this list for one reason and one reason only.
This is the real Marnie Piper.
This is NOT Marnie Piper.
Taking the real Marnie out of Halloweentown is like taking Vin Diesel out of the Fast and Furious. It doesn’t work.