Should I Talk To My Commute Wife?

From Urban Dictionary: A Commute Wife is that person you see every day in traffic at the same time, or same intersection because of your similar path to work.

I’m a commuter. Scratch that. I’m a miserable commuter. It’s the root of all my depression in life. I go full drone when I commute. Autopilot. There have been people doing this commute since I was in diapers and I feel terrible for them. There are people with a 10 minute commute that I feel no remorse for. If you’re like me, you have a 2 hour commute each way, 4 total. This is my commute:

Drive to train
Train to Grand Central
Subway
Bus Across Town
Walk (depending on day)
*Reverse it for the way home*

So yeah, my commute is god awful. But, there is a saving grace.

The Commute Wife

Everyone knows what I’m talking about. Everyone has one. The attractive girl or guy that you see everyday on your commute. Maybe you sit in the same vicinity or you walk the same way to work. Hell, maybe they’re not even that attractive if you see that out and about, but on your commute, they’re a 10/10. You think you have a special connection with this person and you do. You are probably both miserable on your commutes and my guess is you drown out your sorrows with headphones in your ears.

So for me, since I take about 9,000 different forms of transportation, I have a few commute wives. I am a commuting polygamist. I am a man of many commuting tastes. I have two different groups: I have my Train Wife and my Bus Baes (the only time I will ever use the word bae just because it makes sense).

For my Train Wife, we sit in the same cart every morning, but on two opposite ends of the cart. I’ve never said hi to her nor attempted to say hi. We’ve made eye contact. This sounds like the plot of a horror movie with a crazy stalker. But, both of us have never attempted to sit near one another mainly because we both sit in the exact seats everyday. The exact same ones. If push came to shove and one of our seats got jacked, I would 100% offer her a seat next to me and she would 100% walk right by. Gotta love my Train Wife.

The Girl On The Train

For my Bus Baes, this is when things get tricky. Unlike the train which has set times, the bus is a crapshoot. I choose between 2 buses within the span of 10 minutes, depending on if I’m early or late. That being said, I have 3 definitive Bus Baes. One gets on before me. One gets on with me. One gets on the stop after me. It’s like clockwork and ironically enough, I’ve never had my 3 Bus Baes all on one bus. That’s a Christmas miracle because I’m not looking for any cat fights. Do they have names? I’m glad you asked! Headphones, Barbie, and Park. One listens to music, one looks like barbie, and one gets off at the park. The longer I write this, the more ridiculous it sounds.

Conclusion: All four of these girls are attractive. I would not mind walking down the street with any one of them. That being said, should you talk to your commute wives? I debate this everyday. “Just make a move. If she says no, she says no. It’s not like you see her everyday?” Wrong, I will see them everyday. It’s a huge high risk, high reward type of ordeal. If I got denied by one of my wives, which is 100% probable, I don’t think I could live with myself. I’d have to take a different train and bus. I would die from embarrassment. I’m in the camp where I should say nothing and leave it the way it is. These wives give me a reason to commute. I don’t want to ruin that. It’s like Anchorman. Anchorman 1 was so perfect. It didn’t need a sequel and when it got one, it sucked. I think I should just leave it the way it is, although I secretly pray we are one day forced to talk with each other. Commute Wives are like a museum. You can look, but you can’t touch.

So I’m asking you. Do I talk to my potential wives? Do I continue to stay silent? I’m saying silent, but let me know if you feel different.

P.S. Saw my Train Wife on the afternoon train today. No words. No eye contact. Love it.

P.S.S. No chance in hell I’d find a Subway Wife. The subway SUCKS. It smells. It’s dirty. It’s disgusting. If I found my wife on the subway, then throw me on the tracks.

One Comment Add yours

  1. kisambira says:

    For the love of God, its taboo. Don’t talk to any of them.

    Like

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