I’m here settling in for the night. Lounging on the couch, watching the Knicks, dreaming of a better life. You know, typical Wednesday night stuff. I decide to flip through the channels when the game went to commercial. I land on The Polar Express on ABC Family. Yes, I know it’s FreeForm, but it’s still ABC Family to me. Anyways, what a find on a Wednesday night. I love the Polar Express. A movie that everyone in the family can enjoy. Plus, it stars White Jesus aka the nicest guy in Hollywood aka Tom Hanks. You can’t go wrong with Tom Hanks.
A couple minutes in and I’m happy with my decision to watch it. Then, it happened. It always happens when I watch this movie. You hear that voice. That annoying voice. I tried to erase it from my memory like a Saturday night out in New York City. But, that never works. He always comes back.
I’m talking about Know It All.
“Hey you. Yeah you. Do you know what kind of train this is?” Hearing that comment is like Satan breathing down my back. No, bro, I don’t know what kind of train this is because I’m still trying to get over the fact that I got on a random train in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve. So sorry if I’m still getting my bearings. I’m not an advocate for violence, but if Hero Boy decided to punch Know It All Right in the face and his glasses broke, I probably would look the other way.
How could anyone like Know It All? He’s annoying, a snitch, and he never shuts up. All the kids want to do is just look out the window and enjoy the ride but no, Know It All has to give pointless facts about hot chocolate and the Aztecs. ENOUGH! Yes, he made a semi-face turn at the end, but once a heel, always a heel. Plus, they’re on public transportation. If you talk loudly and are obnoxious on a train, you should be thrown off immediately. I don’t care if it’s moving. I actually prefer it was moving because the punishment should be severe.
Stay home next time, Know It All. It’s for the best.